Office for Student Affairs > Faculty/Staff Resources > Coping with Serious Illness

Faculty/Staff Resources

Coping with the Serious Illness or Death of Others

According to the 2004 Student Health Survey conducted by Boynton Health Service, about 14.7 percent of University students have experienced the serious physical illness of someone very close to them and 13.3 percent have experienced the death of someone very close to them. Most often the death or serious illness involves a parent, a close friend, a sibling or another close relative, but on occasion the death or illness involves a fellow student or a faculty or staff member.

Robert L. Wrenn, Ph.D., and expert on death education counseling, states, “…You won't find many people who believe that students will be dealing with death while attending school, but they will. And they will do so at a time when they are vulnerable and uninformed about what they should be feeling and doing with a normal grief they will experience."  Though we don’t often think of college students dealing with issues of death, when it happens, coping with the loss as well as managing their academics can be a major challenge.

A special problem results from the stress of long-term coping with family and friends with life-threatening illnesses. It is never clear when to keep fighting and when to accept finality. These challenges address everyone's ultimate vulnerability and touch on existential and spiritual questions. Coming to terms with these issues is ultimately a very human enterprise and most coping or grieving people need the support of others.

How to help

The loss or impending loss of someone whom a student is close to may change one inside while the environment goes on seemingly unchanged; thus, an affected person may feel unusually alone. It is hard to come to terms with the fact that things will never be the same. Students in this situation need to know their feelings are normal. Grief is a normal process. People who are grieving are not "going crazy." Every culture copes with illness or death in its own way, and there is no one proper way to cope or grieve.

In some instances a student may share with you that she or he is coping with the serious illness or death of a loved one. You should offer your support, let the student know that there is no right or wrong way of dealing with the situation, and, if necessary, refer the student to one of the resources listed on this fact sheet. Very often a student may not share with you the specifics of the situation. However, if you notice some of the following signs that are generally associated with students who are in distress, you should let the student know that you are worried about him or her:

• Radical/abrupt change in behavior
• Sudden withdrawal from interaction with faculty, staff, and peers
• A dramatic decrease in academic performance
• A decline in class attendance and/or participation
• Sudden outbursts of anger or crying
• Chronic fatigue or low energy
• High levels of irritability
• Dramatic weight loss or gain
• Marked changes in personal hygiene
• References to suicide
• References to hopelessness and despair
• Excessive use of alcohol or other drugs

In addition to expressing your concern, you may wish to encourage them to seek assistance from one of the resources listed to the right of this fact sheet.